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| Life Mirrors |
I just completed my academic year and oh my goodness. God knows how
much sleep I have missed and how much catching up I had to do with
entertainment...I don't even remember what remote, controls what. I used
to be the pro on setting reminders on series, local programs and
upcoming movies then I met computer science. 😈 I lost myself. I had no
touch with who I am, what I love nor what I can do. I was a walking
zombie who would
- wake up...
- go to school...
- attend classes...
- have meals...
- do assignments...
- and sleep!
I
had nothing else going on outside that routine. I was technically an
automatic robot on some daytime protocol. I was that face that stands in
front of a mirror sees no reflection literally.
The truth be told...that robot life made me happy. I had no time to get myself into social fortunes and misfortunes.
I
had no room to worry because I was mentally occupied yet my spirit was
empty all it needed to do was follow my brains lead. I was happy because
that routine helped me escape life mistakes... it helped me avoid
people... it helped me move forward without the need to compromise.
So
I certainly did say I moved forward but I didn't grow. I have learnt so
little in a span of 8years yet that's enough time to grow a tree,
enough time for an embryo to get enrolled into class 3👶 ...what I have
pursued in 8years is not even worth 4months. that's how terrible not
growing is to me. I know what your thinking... why didn't I realise it
sooner. I did. Ofcos I do know when I am on auto pilot mode. It's me!
I
am aware when I'm on robotic mode but that mode is the only survival
mode technique I know. Let me explain survival modes... sometimes life
throws you lemons...
- You make lemonade
- You become an alcoholic
- You become a shopaholic
- You run from the hills
- You reboot your entire system
Etc...I engage auto pilot.
The
few times I tried to fly my own plane.. I wasn't the child my father
wanted, I wasn't responsible enough for a big sister, I got into a
financial crisis, I dream bigger than the shoe I could fit, I got Cs
and Ds as grades, i walked out of the door and my next step was over the
cliff, I cried myself to sleep, I had to picture my grandmother's ghost
and what she would say to steer me on...i was a walking time bomb. I
was more dead being alive than being dead itself so I got my escape
route...put my plane on auto pilot and told God whatever May then June 😑
I
found peace in my survival mode else the only choice was to quit. This
is the phase of my life without a reflection.... I learn that surviving
this phase was more critical than being Me. Mirror mirror! who am I.
That's
my Quest for later but for now I'm a survivor. I'll let you know as
soon as i see my reflection. Have you been on survival mode before? 😞
probably not, if so...What was your lemon phase like? What got you
through it?
Idk but always remember life needs wisdom, how you
apply it doesn't matter as long as it gets you through a situation or
season... just don't hurt a soul in the process.
✌💝Angel
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